The Break-Up
by aumastar
Summary: Let's just say, Uchiha Sasuke does not handle break-ups well. SasuHina. Crack.
1. Preface

**AN: I don't know what's wrong with me, haha. I keep thinking about these new, nonsense plots I can't stop myself from writing them. Forgive me everyone. Anyways, hope you guys will enjoy it, and perhaps hope for more? Love you ~ :P Ah, and yes disclaimer; I don't own anything. **

* * *

**The Break-Up**

_Let's just say, Uchiha Sasuke does not handle break-ups well. _

* * *

"I-I think we should break-up!" Hinata finally managed to blurt out and quickly grasped the nearest fork, readying it in defence.

Awkward silence ensued.

The stoic Uchiha was seated comfortably across the table, strong arms folded over his broad chest, head slightly tilted down, dark obsidian eyes were blank and devoid of emotion as he stared at the trembling Hyuuga. Hinata stiffened as he shifted abruptly on the cushioned seat and raised his hands to form a familiar seal.

"Release." He stated blandly. Hinata's cheek twitched.

"I-I am not under any genjutsu."

Sasuke furrowed his brows, looking genuinely confused.

"Concussion?"

"No."

"Food poisoning?"

"No."

"Blackmail?"

"No."

"Period?"

"N-No!" Hinata breathed a heavy sigh.

"I just… I can't do this anymore. I-I am sorry." She bowed her head low apologetically, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. "Hinata," Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "You know I am not fond of these inane pranks."

"I'm being serious! All I've been doing was try to make you happy and you don't even care about me!" Hinata snapped, annoyed by the male's arrogance. "You don't take any initiative to get to know more about me or get close to me!"

"Preposterous. I have taken plenty initiative to get close to you. I believe I was the one who took the initiative to kick start our sex life – "

"I-I am not talking about that!" Hinata squealed, blushing scarlet. "I am talking about how you never even got me anything for my birthday."

"I gave you flowers." He retorted, arching a brow challengingly.

"F-Flowers that you stole from one of my flower pots!"

"Still, flowers no less." He shrugged. Hinata groaned.

"You gave away all the letters I sent you to the recycling centre in exchange for money!"

"You sent me letters?" Sasuke blinked.

"I-I did! When I was away on missions! I wanted you to know how much I…" _Missed you.  
_Finally, there was a glimmer guilt in his eyes.

"I always send all my mails to the recycling centre. I don't read them since they are usually death threats, confession letters and naked pictures of fan-girls."

She didn't know that. Because he didn't tell her. He doesn't tell her anything.

"And you don't even bother to try and be nice to my family. You don't even know my sister's name!"

"Of course I do. Hisaki."

"H-Hanabi!"

"Hn, that's what I said." Sasuke nodded.

"Y-You… Y-You…" Hinata solemnly looked down at her lap and twiddled her thumbs. "You've never even told me y-you love me…"

"I did. Several times."

"You never did! Whenever I told you I love you you'd just say 'the feeling is mutual'"

"Different people have different ways of expressing their affections." He justified.

Hinata weakly shook her head and sighed in defeat, fed up of trying to beat it into his thick skull. He was too hard headed. He thought too highly of himself. He would always be the right one and she was always in the wrong. He would expect her to understand without sharing or telling her anything. He will always think that his approach was the way to go; that violent sparring, naughty midnight visits and frequent make-out sessions were what made a healthy relationship.

She wasn't only upset about herself being neglected either. Sasuke was impulsive, careless, reckless; he would get himself wounded on a daily basis, if not because of a mission then it would a sparring match with Naruto. She spent half the time during their relationship sitting in a hospital ward and worrying about whether he was getting himself killed out on a mission. When she expressed her worries to him he would get irritated, he would tell her to stop treating him like an infant. He could take care of himself, he said.

Well, she had enough. She had struggled to keep both of them afloat for too long.

"You care about your success and your missions much more than anything else… Even more than your own well-being… I-I've had enough. I don't want to be in a lone relationship and watch you self-destruct any longer."

It was then when he had actually acknowledged the fact that she was serious.

"Hinata…" Her name left his lips in a soft, low, longing purr as he slid his hand atop hers. She turned away from him with fresh tears brimming in the corners of her eyes as he took her dainty hand in his larger one and brought it to his lips.

"Don't," He whispered against her skin before pressing a dry kiss onto the back of her hand. "Don't leave me." He continued lacing her tremulous hand with urgent kisses that sent shivers down her spine. "I need you."

_Do you really? _

"Tell me whatever it is that you want, I'll give you anything. Just stay with me."

_I want you. _

But he was never truly able to give himself to her. She reckoned he would never be able to, as much as she wished he would someday.

"I-It's too late…" He frowned as he felt her hand wriggle out of his grasp. He lifted his gaze to her pouting, reddened face, watching as she wiped away a few stray tears. "It's over." She sniffed, there was finality in her tone and he felt his chest tighten painfully.

"So you're giving up on me?" His voice held its usual, impassive monotone, his poker face was impeccable, showing no sign that he was affected by the scenario.

"I am sorry." She swallowed a lump in her throat, straightened her posture and flashed him a small, wavering smile. She felt horrible, but knew it had to be done. "I… hope we can still be friends."

An onyx brow visibly twitched, his foot was tapping relentlessly against the marble tiles. Hinata didn't not say a word, allowing him to process what had just happened. He leaned against his plush seat, resting an elbow on top of the head rest while placing the other hand on the table, his slender, calloused fingers absently traced the sticky surface, his unnerving gaze never left hers.

He took a long, deep breath.

"It's fine." He breathed, seemingly mellow and calm. Hinata was pleasantly surprised by his composed response. "If that's what you want," The hand on the table reached out and grabbed a salt shaker. He watched the dancing grains of salt with a little too much intent as he jerked the glass container. "I am fine with it." He popped open the metal lid of the salt shaker with his thumb.

Now Hinata was getting nervous.

"A-Ano, S-Sasu – "

"It's better this way really." Hinata squeaked as he emptied the contents of the salt shaker into her sweet camomile tea. _Her favourite. _He mused as he destroyed the drink, then haphazardly threw the emptied container. "AHH!" A grandmother yelped in pain as said salt shaker spontaneously shattered on her head. Sasuke showed no sign of remorse.

"We're both in ANBU, neither of us have time to indulge in a relationship."

"S-Sasuke I-I – "Hinata watched helplessly, terrified of the murderous gleam in his eyes and did nothing to stop him as he grabbed the pepper mill and began aloofly scattering heaping grinds of pepper onto her chocolate cake, uncaring of the odd stares that were thrown their way by the surrounding customers.

"Well anyways," Once satisfied he set aside the pepper mill, sighed lazily and clapped his hands clean. "This has been fun." Hinata whimpered with fright and sunk into her seat when he rose to his feet and brushed non-existent dust off his clothes.

"Good luck with your future endeavours, Hyuuga." He forced a smirk, his right eye twitching uncontrollably. Hinata nodded with caution. Before she could offer a friendly smile back, his face fell into a sour frown.

"I hope you get _fat_ eating that chocolate cake." He growled and left, stomping out the restaurant, but not before brutalizing the doors first, frightening the crowd of customers and staff who quickly backed away as far as they could.

Hinata sat frozen still, eyes wide and mouth agape.  
Well, honestly it had gone better than she expected.

* * *

_So this is what it feels like to be Naruto. _

He always wondered how the blonde felt when Sakura punched him into the sky every time he confessed. He held an ounce pity for the golden hero now. Just an ounce.

It was still early in the afternoon when Sasuke had arrived at his apartment. He didn't step out once that day; not to spar with Naruto, not to inconspicuously borrow porn from Kakashi, not even to buy his dinner when it got late.

He spent all that time alone, sitting crossed legged on his bed, trying hard to wrap his brain around the fact that Hinata was no longer his. For most of his brooding he'd ended up cursing the woman, convincing himself that he didn't like her that much anyway and had half a mind to go back to that godforsaken restaurant and tell her how much he hated her beautiful face, despite his constant urge to kiss it silly.

Briefly he had pondered on apologizing, on chasing her around Konoha to get her back, on smothering her with her favourite flowers (this time not from her pot), and maybe spending some quality time with her sister, Hohoba just to please her, just to show her how much she meant to him and have her locked back in his arms.

Immediately he decided against it, not wanting her or anyone to know that she had power and control over him.

_How could she do this to me?_

Admittedly, he was upset. He was sad. He was regretful. He was ENRAGED.  
And as usual, he let anger overpower rationality and every other emotion he'd felt.

_I'll miss her. _

_No you won't. She sucks. _

_I want her._

_No you don't. She sucks. _

_She's perfect. _

_She sucks. _

At the end of his long period of contemplation, there seemed to be only one solution that could diminish the pain in his chest.

He would execute what Uchihas were born to serve –

Revenge.

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**Nope. Sasuke is definitely not a shy lamb in this one, so sorry~ **


	2. It begins

**A/N: Haha! I love my readers so much! They are so sweet with their reviews! Thank you! I just hope I can live up to expectations :( I'd love to say something humble like "Oh, I am so unworthy of such praise!" But who am I kidding, GIVE ME MORE! Haha :) Love you guys. Hope you enjoy this fun to write chapter! **

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"_Sasuke," Hinata absently traced circles on his bare, chiselled abdomen._

"_Hn." Sasuke sighed into her midnight hair and instinctively pulled her closer, relishing the softness of her skin against his. _

"_A-Ano, I…" She shyly buried her head in his chest. _

"_I… love you." _

"_Hinata…" She pulled away and smiled up at him, meeting his glazed, intent eyes as she patiently awaited his favourable reply. A large, calloused hand cupped her scarlet cheek, his thumb brushed against her swollen lips. _

"_The feeling is mutual." He smiled. Her frozen face twitched oddly. _

"_I am hungry. Wouldn't it be convenient if I kept a fruit basket on the bedside table? I think I should."_

* * *

Konoha had become a boring place after the war.  
So much so that even the tiniest scandal would erupt a brouhaha amongst the villagers.

"Did you hear? That mole on her cheek is actually just a freckle!"

"The soup in Ichiraku's has added MSG!"

"Those cotton socks are actually just 99.99% cotton."

"I saw Mrs. Nana's dog mating with some stray out in the street! That slutty little bitch!"

"That's Sakura-san's real hair colour!"

Gasp.

So it came as no surprise that when word broke out about the recent break-up of a certain baby killer and the village sweetheart, no one could resist speculating. Not even the infamous rookies who had apparently grown into _mature, dignified_ young adults.

"Everyone knows that I am not really one to gossip… BUT I heard that she broke up with Sasuke-kun because he collects naked pictures of women in his mailbox! Ugh!" – Ino.

"I heard that they broke-up because Sasuke-kun has a weird fetish for black fur." – Sakura.

"They broke-up because Hinata finally came to her senses! She probably finally caught on to the fact that he was going to mutilate her and sell off her body parts." – Kiba.

"They broke-up. Why? Because he gave her complimentary soap on Valentine's day." – Shino.

"I reckon it was his lack of enthusiasm and passion that had separated them!" – Lee.

"I think it's because she found out that he was seeing Naruto on the sides." – TenTen.

"I don't know… I heard someone say that she got angry because he told her he would choose to have a lifetime supply of tomatoes instead of her. Hmm… I can't say I blame him. Women are so troublesome." – Shikamaru.

"I thought he was going to eat her." – Chouji. Ironically.

"The reason they broke-up? Maybe because he reads too much porn." – Kakashi, who at the time was reading porn.

"I think they are just both going through tough times right now." – Kurenai.

"Everyone is so harsh on the poor boy just because he went through a break-up! Give him a break! Don't hate on him just because he is beautiful! As a beautiful beast myself, I can understand what he is going through..." – Gai.

"I believe my daughter was under the influence of mind numbing substances during the time of their union. She is sober now." – Hiashi.

"It's about damn time! I am sick of being called Hiroki!" – Hanabi.

"Why they broke-up?! Pfft, what a pointless question! The answer is obvious! That little shit Uchiha Sasuke is bat-shit crazy!" – Tsunade.

"I think everyone's being a little unfair on Sasuke, calling him crazy and all." Naruto slurped on a hefty portion of noodles.

Ichiraku and his daughter Ayame pretended to listen intently, knowing that if they paid less attention to the blonde he would leave sooner. They needed him to stay and spend more money; sales had been down since the whole MSG stiff.

"I mean yes, he is a bastard. And sure, he has this weird obsession over black cats now. And he sets you on fire if you move anything around in his room. And he spends a lot of time with Kakashi-sensei in these weird looking book shops. And he always buys sweet dumplings in teahouses and complains about how sweet they are when he eats them. And yeah, he likes to watch people die and make children cry but, other than that he is perfectly normal!"

Just as Naruto finished his not so helpful justification, Sasuke appeared, ducking under the canvas and stepping into the stall looking as aloof and disinterested as ever. Upon his arrival, the only other customer in the shop had dropped off his stool and thumped onto the ground, convulsing and frothing in the mouth.

"Not again…" Ichiraku sighed and proceeded to help the poor soul. Customers getting seizures were becoming a routine now that Sasuke often came by to see Naruto.

"Ah, Sasuke we were just talking about you!" Naruto cheerfully waved.

"Naruto." Sasuke stared lazily at the grinning golden boy.

"Spar with me."

"Sure! But first, pull up a stool and come have some ramen with me!"

"No." Sasuke scowled. "I hate ramen."

Naruto blanched.

"W-Wha -… H-How could you… W-Wha – What the hell is wrong with you, you psychotic freak?!"

* * *

His revenge plan was simple, really.  
He would sabotage her life and make her understand how bleak, hopeless and dark life is with him as an enemy instead of a lover. Then she would come crawling back. If not, she will be tortured for the remainder of her beautiful, majestic existence.

Simple. Sweet. Efficient.

His Uchiha ancestors would truly be proud.  
His older brother, maybe not so much. Oh well, he can't please everybody.

The first step would be to keep tabs on her whereabouts at all times.  
Some would argue that what he was doing was stalking, and stalking was an offence.  
Though in his case, it wasn't stalking. It was harmless, legal stealth observation. There is a difference.

However, his stealthy observing wasn't quite successful. It was hard to do since she was hiding from him. Smart girl. He needed a medium of some sort to facilitate his noble endeavour.

He pondered on summoning crows to inconspicuously scout her location, but decided against it. It was a little too extreme. Moreover he hated crows. They smelled bad and were annoyingly prone to shedding their black, infested feathers all over the damn place.

So, he decided to do this in a gentlemanly manner; politely persuading one of the guards in the Hyuuga compound to inform him of her comings and goings.

"I am sorry sir, I am not at liberty to reveal that information."

"I am not anyone dangerous." He lied and plastered on the most charming, coaxing smile in his arsenal. He forgets that he was infamous and known by every single being in the world, including the lowly Hyuuga guard, as the face of cold blooded murder. "I am sorry sir, I am not at liberty to reveal that information."

Sasuke sighed and reached into his pocket. "Listen," He grunted and leaned close to the rigid guard. "If you help me out, I can make it worth your while…" He forced a folded note into the guard's fisted hand and smirked mischievously at him.

This was not bribery, which is an offence. This is principle, in the art of persuasion.

The guard curiously eyed the money in his palm then raised a brow at the smirking Uchiha.  
"…Ten yen?"

"Hn. Go on. Take it." Sasuke smirked and spoke as though the amount he'd offered was such a _mind blasting, mind pumping-ly_ large amount. "You want me to reveal private information concerning the heiress to an outsider and betray the trust of my clan… for ten yen?" The Hyuuga almost snorted. Almost. Sasuke frowned.

"You drive a hard bargain. Fine. Eleven." The Hyuuga's stiff brow twitched. "I am sorry sir," The guard spat through gritted teeth and slapped the offending, crumpled note onto the Uchiha's palm. "I am _not_ at liberty to reveal that information."

"Che," Sasuke gruffly pocketed his hands and scowled bitterly at the guard who, clearly had an attitude problem. "Greedy Hyuugas." He grumbled and stomped away.

He didn't know what the guard was so afraid of. If he got caught, the worst they would do to him was kill him. It was his valuable opinion that death, would be a step up from such a degrading job.

He could've threatened the Hyuuga fool with the promise of pain, but he didn't want to risk being thrown out of the twelfth floor of the Hokage tower _again _should Tsunade find out.

Thanks to the lack of cooperation in today's society, in the end, he had settled for utilizing the crow summoning. He actually became quite taken with the usage of his crows eventually. They were the perfect agents of espionage and contributed greatly to the proceedings of his revenge. Plus, they would whole-heartedly take a dump on the oblivious Hyuuga as per his instructions, which was really quite amusing!

Sure, the regular summoning and maintenance of control over the crows required a considerable amount of chakra and concentration which interjected greatly in his work and daily life but, it was a small price to pay for revenge.

Now that he knows where and when to find her most conveniently, it was time to advance to the fun part; interception.

"Hello, Hyuuga." There were no words to describe the magnitude of his bliss when he'd cornered her in a cosmetics store and watched as her adorable face had contorted with fright. It gave him the chills. "S-Sasuke…" She breathed and looked at him with those childlike eyes of hers, as wide as saucers.

"What are you doing… here?" She looked around the shop then back to his face, confusion twisted her indigo brows.

"Men need facials too." He smoothly covered.

Hinata still seemed dubious. Even though his skin was glistening and flawless which would suggest that he did in fact use facials, she doubted that someone who would go to the extent of fumbling with the wiring of the washing machines in the Laundromat just to save a quarter on doing laundry, would spend hundreds on face enhancing products.

"What a pleasant coincidence. I have been meaning to speak to you."

Oh no. He was going to throw salt on her face this time, stuff pepper into her pants!

"A-Ano, I-I just remembered I-I am late for a dinner date with my father!" She cautiously backed away, he followed like a predator. "It's two o'clock in the afternoon." He raised a brow, smirking with amusement. "I-It's ah, I-I have to go!"

"Now, now," He swiftly grabbed her wrist before she could turn on her heel, roughly pulling her trembling form close to him, appreciating the way she bumped into his front.

"Just because we're not sleeping together anymore," Hinata blushed profusely. "Doesn't mean we can't be civil with each other, hm?" He smiled, looking deceivingly sweet. Hinata blinked at him innocently, seeming to buy his devious charade.

"I've been thinking about what you said, being friends and all." He murmured, face dangerously close to hers. He convinced himself that the proximity was solely to intimidate her, in denial of the fact that he was a raging pervert whenever she was around.

"U-Uh-huh." Hinata nodded weakly.

"I think it's a good idea. A step forward, yes?"

"I-I don't know…" Hinata shuffled a little. She couldn't say she trusted him. He was an unpredictable, homicidal kook. One moment he is patting you on the head, the next he is stabbing you in the crotch. It was different when they were dating. When she knew he wouldn't hurt her. That much.

"Come on, it'll be good for us. We can do friendly things like drink tea together. You like tea."

"Ano… after recent events... I have sort of… lost my taste for tea." She was referring to the savage way he had ruined her sweet camomile tea at the restaurant that day.

"Mm, plain water for you then."

"W-Well… um… a-alright." She flashed him a small smile. "Good." He grinned. He extended a hand out in an uncharacteristically polite handshake. Hinata's smile widened as she took his hand and –

"AH!" Hinata convulsed as a few jolts of electricty shot across her arm. She immediately snatched away, staring horrifically at him, a few of her hairs defying gravity.

"Oh my, how did that happen?" Sasuke feigned confusion as he examined his hand.

"I guess I am just overflowing with joy." He shrugged.

"Y-Yeah." Hinata gulped audibly, squinting in apprehension.

And so commenced step three of his revenge plan; total annihilation.


End file.
